WILL BUSH BOMB WAL-MART?

Rumors circulating in the hallways in the Pentagon suggest an impending military strike on a new Wal-Mart Supercenter in central Minnesota. This is to prevent the devastation of yet another community.

White House spokesman Tony Snow told reporters this morning, "We have to stop it sometime. If not now, when: if not us, who? We've stood by and watched the slave labor products from Communist China get into American homes by way of Wal-Mart. No more.

We watched in horror as the big box monster purchased secret life insurance ("Dead Peasant Policies) on select employees as a source of additional revenue. No, to unethical practices.

Americans have seen community after community suffer an average net loss of 65 jobs when Wal-Mart came to town. No, to unemployment.

We listened as Wal-Mart officials claimed a person can save $2,200 per year by shopping their store. No more whoppers.

Wal-Mart must cease and desist criminal operations. If this does not happen, The Decider will decide when to launch Shock & Awe with the cruise missiles, smart bombs, cluster bombs and bunker buster bombs against the giant retailer. Call it Operation Free Shoppers.

Let's roll."