OIL IS WELL

Liberals make my blood boil. They're spoiling it for the president. While Bush toils to defeat the terrorists, the liberal congress embroils the nation in turmoil and the Islamo-fascists coil up to strike again. But don't be foiled. Our oil is under their soil, and that's what it's oil about.

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Thoughts While Jaywalking

Where have all the bees gone? They go to work in the morning and never return. Some say the air is filled with cell-phone vibrations which interfere with the bees' communications. Others believe pesticides have damaged their immune systems. Still others believe that bees are being raptured. Yes, raptured. Maybe they're just on strike. They are workaholics!

They have to come back soon if we are to maintain a normal supply of food. For instance, alfalfa requires bee pollination. The cows which you eat live on alfalfa. Pretty soon, you'll have to survive on spirulina and sea food (I mean kelp.) But you'll live to be 120.

Meeting & Events

* Happy People Support Group will meet on Thursday evening at Only The Lonely Saloon on St. George Boulevard. If you go, be prepared to explain your condition's causes and symptoms.

* Noted economist Dr. Ira Longterm will give a talk: "Poverty and Wealth, The Subtle Differences" at the Starbucks Culture Center downtown on May 15.

Twenty-Years -From-Now News

The City of St. George has purchased automated busses - driverless and computer controlled -for the Sun Tran system. Scores of drivers will lose their jobs and add to the unemployment miseries of our slow economy. A few of the new busses are already in use. The average count of people on board has dropped from one to zero.

Help Wanted

No help wanted

For Sale

Waterboard. Slightly used. A few nicks here and there but cleaned and newly painted. Works like a charm. Make an offer. Call Vinny at CIA.

Quote

"Free trade is destructive. That's why I'm for it." - Karl Marx