SUCH A DEAL

White House officials and Senate leaders in both parties worked behind closed doors for months to produce a bill to solve the question of illegal immigration. They presented their creature yesterday. President Bush immediately announced his support. Senators Ted Kennedy, D, and John Kyle, R, wrote most of it and urge everyone to get behind it.

The debate is on. Certain features are certain to rile and beguile. The aliens can stay, but they must first return to Mexico. They have to pay a $5000 fine. The border fence would be completed.

Opponents call it amnesty, but those in favor say it's not that at all. The proposed bill is more than 700 pages long. No one comprehends the creature yet, so we don't know whether it's fish or foul.

Like the song says: It's Impossible.

President Eisenhower deported one and one-half million illegals to Mexico in the mid 1950s with the explanation that they're taking jobs from Americans. President Bush wants to send 12 to 20 million back home with a plan to return legally because "They do jobs Americans won't take."

If illegal alien Jose has to return south of the border, he loses his income with which he supports his wife and American-born baby. Then he pays a hefty fine and returns to wife and babe, who meanwhile must be aided by government dole.

The hard truth is: Jose is here because he was allowed to enter and encouraged to work here. The real reason 12 to 20 million Mexicans were welcomed in by our government is because our upside down Social Security system requires a steady increase in producers (workers) to recipients (pensioners) ratio to continue to exist. Also, our debt-based money system as dictated by the Federal Reserve Act of 1913 requires an increase in capital expansion by way of production and demand to avoid deflation and depression.

This is theatre. The latest act by the senators and the president is comedy. You have to laugh and cry at the same time.

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More Hot Stuff

* Congressman Ron Paul won most of the polls pertaining to the two Republican debates. Isn't that why the War Party leaders are trying to ignore him? They're afraid of him, just as they were of Barry Goldwater and Pat Buchanan. They will smear him if they can.

* Ron Paul asserted that "We have been bombing Iraq for 10 years." Paul's wrong about that. It's been 15 years.

* Paul Wolfowitz got the axe at the World Bank. The directors wouldn't let him do just anything he wanted to do. He's been fired, and he is oh, so indignant. Too bad Carter or Reagan or Clinton or Rumsfeld or Powell or Bush didn't fire him, either before or after he and the notorious Scooter Libby designed the plan to invade Iraq 10 years ago.

* Scooter Libby! That's another suspect who should go through Gitmo's torture program. He has problems with his memory. We can help. We have ways. And now that Mitt Romney is calling for doubling the size of Gitmo, we'll have plenty of space.

* Jose, the Mexican, can cross the border into the USA without being shot at. Let's compare Jose's movements with some Cuban dude, named Raul. If Raul decides to leave Castro's island, climbs onto his homemade raft and sets out into the Gulf of Mexico for Mexico, he might be shot in the back. If he makes it to Mexico, he might be shot in the face while entering or crossing the southern border. (A few weeks ago, a Mexican border guard shot at an illegal immigrant and accidentally killed one of his compatriots.) Cuba shoots the emmigrants; Mexico guns down immigrants. Jose has it better than Raul.

* Speaking of citizenship, how does it happen that the bulls-eye nation of the world (that's us) hires a man with dual citizenship to be boss over Homeland Security? Michael Chertoff has two countries - USA and Israel. Isn't that double loyalty and a potential conflict of interest? Is America Chertoff's wife while Israel is his mistress? Or is this polygamy? Help me here!

* The twins of the oil corporation nations, Bush and Blair, strutted and swaggered together to their news conference yesterday. They expressed perfect belief and pride in the mission which is not quite accomplished because the oil provision in the Iraq Constitution - which our state department wrote for the Iraqis - has not yet been approved. British Oil, Exxon/Mobil, Chevron and Conoco/Phillips are most grateful for the services of Bush and his puppy.

The Dixie Thinker is serious fun, but not for the snug or smug.

Meetings & Events

The reunion of former CIA spooks and operatives is in the planning stages. We are tentative about a meeting in July. Mail or call in your ideas and preferences. Osama bin Laden and Manuel Noriega are not welcome this year. Neither is George Tenet.

For Sale

Used shredding machine, as is. Buyer might want it for collectors' value rather than functional use. History of long night's of heavy use in the White House basement office during the Iran-Contra days. Once touched by President Reagan, some say his fingerprints are all over it. Best offer gets this old workhorse of Ollie North. (We'll throw him in with the deal.)

Help Wanted

Car Counter for the City of St. George. The mayor warns, "Too many of our vehicles turn up missing, and we really have to find out how many cars we have or we'll lose our assets." The job is full time and you can speak any language you want, except English. Must be able to read numbers and count to about 250. Full benefits: medical, dental, legal, and a Hummer to take home at night. Apply at city hall.