LOCAL PAPER WINS PRIZE IN FLUFF & PUFF

Also, the locals win first place in protecting Senator Hatch from himself. Another first in not covering the 12 years of our nation starving Iraq and denying medicine to the sick. Keeping readers in the dark about the banned depleted uranium used by our military gained still another numero uno. And what other paper could top the news blackout of the oil heist now in progress?

The readership is happy and blissful because the local paper is judiciously informative and uninformative. That is, they don't tell us any more than we can handle.

They make cover-ups respectable and dignified.

It's all so simple.

Thoughts While Taking Out The Trash

- Someone wrote that we'd have a mess if the government ran the oil companies. The next writer countered that: "As it is now, the oil companies run the government." This is powerful stuff. Bush, Cheney and Rice were all top executives in the oil industry. Watch closely to see the actions of the oil folks. They get away with more than enough to raise your suspicions to the sky.

- It's a perennial thing: Dogs run around in the parks, behaving like dogs. Their owners stand nearby. The next day, young girls and boys play supervised games on the same field grass. Can someone give us the scoop? Why is this allowed?

Meetings & Events

- The If-Only-I-Hadn't-Done-It-My-Way support group invites the public to our meetings in Town Square by the fountain on Tuesdays at 10 a.m. Be there. We'll turn your regrets into friendships.

- Support group for those who can't stop thinking about tomorrow meets at noon tomorrow at the main library.

Help Wanted

Managing editor at local rag. Must have keen eye for detecting news unfavorable to the establishment, and be prepared to squash it or spin it to please the best interests of the publisher and owner. Peaceniks, pacifists, vegans, deserters, wimps, and out-of-the-box thinkers need not apply.

Overheard at Barnes & Noble

"No cheese danish? And you call this a bookstore?"

Overheard at Slippery Slope Saloon

- "Bloggers now outnumber Elvis impersonators."

- "The bees are still disappearing, and you say there's no global warming."

- "McCain wants a man on Mars. Great. He'd be the perfect fit, just the guy to send out there. Ha, ha. Did you notice whenever McCain makes a trip to Iraq, they never follow him home?"

- "So that's what a managing editor is. He manages the news we get to read. He's a control freak, but really serves his masters. Please don't quote me on that."

Twenty-Years-From-Now News

The mountain desert city of St. George, Utah has roundabouts at every intersection. The city leaders have effectively eliminated all stop lights and reduced automobile collisions by 82%. The spaces inside the roundabouts are used for loiterers' jails, advertising displays and drive-up banks.