JIMMY CARTER BAD?

Hapless Jimmy Carter. We blamed the former president for the Federal Reserve's raising interest rates and for rising prices caused by OPEC oil production reductions. Now his detractors call him an anti-Semite. If you want your reputation besmirched in 20 minutes, just mention that Israel possesses 150 nukes. It worked for Jimmy.

He's been smeared and swarmed by Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Mark Levin, Rush Limbaugh, and Newt Gingrich. All of those neocons have been vacation guests of Israel multiple times. Rush was the only one who visited Palestine on his way home. How did he dare? Then Rush exclaimed that before Israel seized half of Palestine (the most fertile part) in 1949, "There was nothing there. All progress came after the Israelis moved in."

Anyone can lie, but few can get away with such whoppers. Why do the media and other influential authorities let that go without correction? History records that Israelis TOOK BY FORCE Palestinian homes, farms and businesses. The people were herded into refugee camps where they have been for 60 years. Palestine had many schools, hospitals, and the other institutions worthy of admiration. Palestinians had the most educated and socially sophisticated society in the Middle East when the United Nations told them to move out and promised them their own state - which never happened.

Meanwhile, Carter can recall his arrangement of the Camp David Accords with Israel's Begin and Eygpt's Sadat. That was a positive step towards peace and quite an accomplishment at the time. Old Jimmy can hold his own in history as a leader, statesman and humanitarian.

It's all so simple.

Thoughts While Cleaning the Garage

Maybe Mars will change everything. I mean, couldn't we get all the powers of this world to sign a pledge of peace for Big Red? Let's not fight there, too.

Overheard on the Street

"My wife wants me to look into one of those jobs Americans won't do."

Help Wanted

Clean-up crew for the Democratic convention in Denver. Can't be squeamish or faint-hearted. Be prepared for the worst. Union wage. Contact Dr. Dean.

Illegals wanted for clean-up crew at Republican convention in St. Paul. Not much mess / really neat folks. Just sweep up a bit. Option of cash payment or direct deposit in Bank of Nogales. Contact Liz Dole.

WILL THEY SHOOT SCOTT MCCLELLAN?

The president's former press secretary has turned against the empire and dared to write it in a book. That puts him in the category with Richard Clarke and Paul O'Neil - other lying insiders who quit the Bush administration.

The robot-puppet mouthpieces on radio, television and internet are so certain that Scott's story is false that they won't open the cover. They focus on the fact that he did not speak up while he was part of the Bush presidency. True, but this only indicates cowardice or bad judgement. He's telling it all now even if he is a flawed person.

The people in power don't want you to hear the truth. They'll destroy the messenger, the confessor or anyone else who contradicts them. Otherwise, they'd attack the words in the book before trying to destroy the author.

Ask Joe Wilson.

It's all so simple.

Thoughts While Jogging

- What has government got to do with marriage? Or divorce? Why should two people have to get a license to live in a union? A fundamental human bond is above this involvement. Get the guvmint out.

- How do we Communism haters reconcile these verified facts and figures? Cuba is teaching and training 23,000 future medical doctors from 120 countries, and maintains 30,000 Cuban health workers serving people in 70 nations? This is impressive humanitarianism regardless of the system ( communist, fascist, free market, monarchy ) that produces it.

Overheard at Only The Lonely

- "A recent poll showed that 68% don't believe in public opinion polls."

- "How old would you be if you could be as old as you want to be? Take that number and run with it."

OLD

Rhymes with gold, bold and mold.

If you've lived only 22 years, 30 seems old to you. But if you were 90 and in good health, you'd feel young compared with your 60-year-old neighbor whose doctor says she's terminal.

Old or young, who knows?

Senator John McCain would be very old, as presidents go, but Congressman Ron Paul is older. Ronald Reagan was considered old when he moved into the White House at 69.

What else is old? Trees are old. So are some turtles. Historians tell us our republic is approaching old age, as republics go. Even Mother Earth is getting long in the tooth. Estimates vary from 4,000 years to about 100 billion.

The song said it: "Does Anyone Really Know What Time It Is?" .

Do you remember how Ali won every fight? And when Gary Powers made that U2 flight? Dearie, if you remember, then you're a whole lot older than I.

Overheard at Slippery Slope Saloon

- "We're all socialists now."

- "It's a race to see which becomes extinct first, the Republicans or the middle class. I'm picking the Republicans because they're suicidal."

- "The dressed-up guy sitting over by the juke box says, "There were only four real Republicans in Congress during the 20th Century: Charles Lindbergh Sr., Robert Taft, Barry Goldwater, and Ron Paul." He claims Joe McCarthy fought the Commies like a conservative but voted like a drunken liberal.

- "The Repubs are too smart for the Dems. They cut taxes and raise spending. Can't beat that."

Help Wanted

Black helicopter spotters for Snow Canyon area. Night shift available now. Need flashlight, binoculars, and beanie. Call 688-0245.

Meetings & Events

Paranoid Support meets at noon on Saturday at Frenchy's cellar in Parowan. We'll try to vote on the merger with The Pessimists Club. Paranoid Pessimists of Parowan might be too much to hope for, considering our enemies' plots.

TODAY, MARS. TOMORROW, THE WORLD

We're up there on Mars digging for ice and whatever else we might find. The space scientists hope to find signs of life or at least an atmosphere which can sustain life. But who knows? Minerals, timber, coal, natural gas, etc.

A rebirth of colonization is in the works. We'll send pioneers to the new land ( er, planet ) and look for riches beyond your fondest dreams. But, damn it all, we're broke. Where is Queen Isabella now when we need her?

The obvious solution is to buy some more paper and ink, and print the currency. Sell bonds to the Chinese and Saudis. In the long run, the benefits of a New America on Mars will flood the land with treasures, easily erasing the sky-high cost of the project.

We're Americans. Let's do it. We could send incorrigible convicts there, as the English did to Georgia and Australia. And what if we discover oil on Mars? Is it ours? Or shall we give it to Chevron and Exxon/Mobil? Tough decision, but we have time to think.

Every intellectual in the world ( Earth ) knows there are too many people walking around. Ted Turner says we should reduce the population to 250,000,000. Fine. We can deport illegal immigrants, criminals, movie stars, karaoke singers, neocons, CIA torturers, and various other undesirables to the War Planet. Global-warming preachers would be sent to a real hot spot. All of this would reduce Earth's human population by half.

We should colonize Mars now, before the Chinese swarm the place.

ll so simple.

Thoughts While in the Shower

Repetition rules. We get up, eat, work, visit, play, and go back to bed - repeatedly. These are the patterns of our lives, based on habits. Without good habits, you might miss out on some of that list, especially eating or working. Both success and failure seem to be determined by repetitive habits. Repetition can be your friend.

Help Wanted

Experienced space ship attendants for extended trips. Long layovers to be expected with minimal complaining. References required. Send resume to NASA.

Meetings & Events

The public is invited to a roundtable discussion regarding Feng Shui revisionism. It seems that many photo negatives published in books were mistakenly turned around. This would explain why things have not worked out very well for many of us. See you at the Main Library on Thursday at 5 p.m. We'll meet on the left side of the building this time.

IT'S STILL THE SAME OLD STORY

A fight for love and glory. A case of do or die. That's only natural and the way it is. Nature doesn't care if we like or dislike our situations - we must adjust.

If you don't not want love and glory - you're not in the fight. But most of us are made to struggle for comforts, creativity and survival. We get into harmony with nature and learn to reshape and enjoy the world.The struggle will be worth it and enjoyable if our attitudes are right.

Did you hear the story about Buddha being challenged by one of his devout followers? The man said, "Oh Great One, I have walked 66 miles in my bare feet to ask your advice. I am a peasant with a wife and six children, my crops are failing, my creditors want to take my land, the roof is leaking in the kitchen, our oldest son is too lazy to help us, my wife is expecting twins, and I have a weak heart. Please Buddha, tell me - what can I do to solve my terrible problems?"

"Beats me," Buddha answered.

The man said, "How can you, of all people, not know what I should do?"

Buddha said, "Everyone has 82 problems, but you don't want any problems so you have 83."

It's up to us to make our world. Struggle can be good for you.

It's all so simple.

Thoughts While Pumping Gas

The New York Yankee pitcher, Hawkins, threw at a Baltimore batter's head and was ejected from the game. This is baseball's ugliest aspect and problem. A few celebrated pitchers - Nolan Ryan and Roger Clemens - were accused of throwing at hitters who had hits the previous times at bat.

The rules makers ought to change the rule for a hit batsman. The batter should be allowed to go to second base instead of first and should walk directly to second base, over the pitcher's mound, with the option of carrying his bat with him.

Overheard at Frenchy's Upstairs Lounge

- "Democrats tax and spend, Republicans borrow and spend, Libertarians don't do either one. So guess which one the people never vote for?"

- "Why don't they make mirrors like they used to?"

- "I miss Bill Clinton. I'll be glad when he's the First Lady."

Overheard at a Bus Depot

" If you're not half an hour early, you'll be late."

HEY, BIG SPENDER

He's coming.

That's right. Your president for the past two wars and two trillion dollars is headed for Utah, the reddest state of them all. Republican states are referred to as "red." Democrat states are called blue. That's hard to get used to because old Democrats were called pinkos, sometimes reds. But Republicans earned the new color code based on their propensity for spending money before it exists.

Anyhow, our red-ink president soon will be among us war hawks and spendthrifts to raise campaign funds for the Republican Party. Let's all do the right thing: Render unto Bush that which is Bush's.

It's all so simple.

Thoughts While on Hold on the Telephone

- I've been taking small arms fire today for calling politicians "proud, arrogant, power-mad." I apologize. I forgot "lazy and vain."

- The oil corporation CEOs told Congress about the "current up cycle" in oil. Now you know where the term "oil slick" came from.

- Cuba is allowing citizens (inmates?) to own cell phones for the first time. New President Raul seems so accomodating to the people. Fidel must have "left the building."

Overheard at Slippery Slope Saloon

- "I'm still waiting for someone to tell me why I should pay a buck for a gallon of bottled water when it has nothing in it. Tap water is almost free and it has sodium fluoride, chlorine, mercury, benzene, and a smidgen of spent jet fuel."

- "Global warming is history. It was too hot not to cool down."

- "The guy at the end of the bar told me that when Planet Earth warmed up, it caused the lakes and oceans to evaporate, which then formed clouds and increased rainfall. This made the plants grow like crazy, therefore, reducing the carbon factor big time, and so global warming shifted into reverse. He seems like a smart guy. He's drinking scotch."

Meetings & Events

Good Old Boys Reunion, Saturday at 8 p.m., upstairs at Frenchy's, use side door, utter password or hand ID. A guest speaker will present strategies on "Retaining Control Despite Influx."

DISASTER AID REBUFFED BY DICTATORS

The international public is upset and angry that leaders of nations deny medical help for their people when offered by outsiders. The recent cyclones in Myanmar (Burma) and earthquakes in China have killed more than 150,000 people and made several million homeless. What motivates those leaders? Why not accept all help available? You know the reason.

They feel insecure in their power.

They turned down offers of aid whenever foreigners wanted to enter Myanmar and China, but there is great comfort in knowing that regular people care, everywhere. Most folks want to lend a hand to other human beings, regardless of the flags they fly.

When hit by Katrina, a hurricane that claimed about 2,000 American lives, a self-styled "compassionate conservative president" named George W. Bush rejected an offer from Cuba to send - the very next day - 1,586 doctors and 83 field hospitals to Mississippi and Louisiana. Mr. Bush did not hesitate to say "no" and he did not ask people in the disaster area if they wanted Cuban aid.

As it turned out, our decider's disaster department, FEMA, was so little and so late that the Cubans could have made a tremendous difference. Disaster upon disaster because of another insecure leader.

Governments and dictators are all alike. They're proud, arrogant, power-mad, and insecure. Politics attracts that type, with too few notable exceptions.

It's all so simple.

Meetings & Events

"What Do Men Want?" expo is coming. Watch for further announcements, you slick macho dude.

Help Wanted

Global warming cops. Imagination and gullibility required. Career might be brief - the way things are going. See your local sheriff.

Will Trade

Will swap a mint condition convertible and low miles for a mo-ped scooter or two good bicycles. Call 688-0245.

Overheard at Only The Lonely

"This is the year to hold your nose and close your eyes in the voting booth. That way you won't get sick and you'll have a clear conscience."

SICKO

About a year ago, Paula and I watched Michael Moore's "Sicko" in Minneapolis. Eleven people were in the theatre audience. This topped the attendance record for the other Moore documentary, "Fahrenheit 911" which drew only eight folks into the St. George theatre we attended.

This was evidence to me that petty people don't dare to be exposed to ideas promoted by those they dislike. Rather than face the challenges of Moore's revelations, they turn their backs on the man and his works.

I wrote identical letters to health professionals, radio talk hosts, newspaper editors, and others with a public interest to learn how many and who had seen "Sicko." Most of them did answer my stamped self-addressed envelopes, but none had seen the film. One said he would rent it later. Another said she couldn't afford to go. Others merely reported not seeing it.

I was crestfallen by the paltry response.

All of us could learn from Sicko. Those who should know better prefer to be ignorant. Moore's film has merit.

The movie would cause anyone to reassess his or her values. Socialized medicine, national health insurance or whatever modified program might not be the ideal answer, but you must be cognizant of our broken health care system.

Insurance company employees dictate treatment and care. Fifty million Americans can't afford insurance or care. Health professional and insurance corporations hire teams of lobbyists to influence members of Congress. The last and almost forgotten subject is the patient.

Reforms are desperately needed and sitting still to watch Sicko might jar open your closed minds, causing you to create solutions from which we'd all benefit.

It's all so simple.

Meetings & Events

Consultant John Dillinger will speak to the Association of Physicians and Insurance executives on "What the Traffic Will Bear."

Help Wanted

Refusal Clerk to handle requests from ICU nurses and doctors. Must know how to say "no" firmly and without apology. Pay depends on rate of turndowns. Apply in person at White Cross Insurance Inc.

For Sale

American-made pills from Canada, save big. You benefit by fair prices.

GLOBAL HOT AIR

If (they) don't turn up the heat soon, the whole concept of man-caused global warming will collapse. Meanwhile, in the month of May, we see snow and low temperatures in Washington, Minnesota, South Dakota, New York, Maine, and Vermont.

Dude, your carbon footprints are making tracks in the snow.

Something is seriously flawed with the theory.

Come to think of it, we remember what a flim-flam Y2K was. Maybe Global Warming and Y2K came from the same think tank.

It's all so simple.

Meetings & Events

- The Snowbirds stranded here by the high gas prices will gather at the Wal-Mart parking lot today at 4 p.m. to launch a public plea for funds. Also, government help might be on the way to get you on your way.

- The city council's plan to install No Loitering signs on the roundabouts has been abandoned and will be an issue on the ballot in the November elections.

For Sale

Exercise equipment and vegetable juicer. Both used only once. A package deal for $200 or a few gallons of gas or milk.

Thoughts While Waiting in Line at the Convenience Store

- Q. What will we do if China attacks Taiwan? Or Pakistan invades India? Or Israel rolls into Lebanon?

- A. Nothing. nothing, nothing.

- Q. What if Iran builds a nuke?

- A. Missile attacks, air raids, naval shellings, commando action, Marine beach landings, paratroops, CIA predator assassinations, and Exxon-Chevron drilling.

Overheard at Slippery Slope Saloon

"If they follow us home, just where do they think they're going to stay?"

"I know, I know. Bryan Hyde is the best radio man west of the mountains - the Appalachian mountains. Problem is, he's on during Happy Hour."

PRESIDENT BUSH SCOLDS ARABS

Your president addressed the Arab world while in Egypt. He told them to treat their women better.

What a topic. President Bush might have mentioned Saddam, who championed the rights of women and ushered them into the arts, business and academia. Whatever else Saddam was, he was not a gender-bully. And so now, Bush, the self-styled liberator of the Iraqi people, has installed a puppet government which is stripping women of the rights guaranteed them by Saddam.

It's all so simple.

Thoughts While Leaning on a No-Loitering Sign

- Maybe a guy should go into the incandescent-light-bulb business. We're talking black market- lucrative, exciting and tax free.

- There's a surprise coming in the election process. Let's hire a reputable psychic to find out about November. Then we'll take the data to the casino and bet our stimulus payments on it. Give me a call and we'll car-pool it.

Financial Opportunity

Tired of eating beans while your really stupid boss dines upstairs at Frenchy's? Well, do something about it! Join our happy franchise family selling recycled Rush Limbaugh neck ties and Orrin Hatch songs. Call 1-800 ODD TIES AND MUSIC.

For Sale

Neocon T shirts. Clever messages on the back. Mostly clean - the shirts, not the messages. See Ernie in the booth at the mall.

NO MORE MR. NICE GUY

Barrack Obama is certainly a nice guy. He's probably the nicest of all of the candidates who ran this year. That includes Hillary, who is one of the guys, according to the language in use now. Obama is not as nice as Ron Paul, of course, but that's because Ron is perfect.

Many of us will never vote for Obama for one reason. That is, his statement that he is raising his daughter to be moral and chaste, but if she makes a mistake: "I'm not going to punish her with a baby."

Not nice.

Then many others of us would not vote for him because he is a member of the notorious Council on Foreign Relations. That's not the Boy Scouts. It means he is not free and independent. He's signed in and under control with an agenda.

I'll vote only for those who are free, therefore, I might have to write in (on a voting machine?) the name of Ron Paul ( Mr. Right.)

It's all so simple.
__________________________________
Overheard at Only The Lonely

"Is there a law here that new buildings, have to look like the old ones?

"I'm just saying I can't respect a man who takes two dogs for a walk and brings only one plastic bag."

MILITARY ACTION/COLLATERAL HELL

When the supposed top terrorist in Iraq, Al-Zarqaawi, was killed by our bombs dropped on his house, noted moralist Fidel Castro said, "A barbarity. He should have been tried in court."

Yes, innocent until proven guilty. And we should demand a surrender before decimating them. We're Americans. What has happened to us?

But we went ahead with military justice, dropping two 500 pound bombs on that house, killing Bad Al and a few others, including a woman and a child. We used that nice term spoken often by Timothy McVieh: "Collateral damage." It means innocent life caught in the middle of the action. They might as well put "so what" ahead of the term.

An hour before Shock & Awe was scheduled to begin in Iraq, CIA Director George Slamdunk Tenet reported to President Bush that Saddam was in a certain cafe. So we bombed the place, killing innocent adults and their children, but Saddam wasn't there. So what?

Let's go back to behaving with a reverence for life.

It's all so simple.

_________________________________

Thoughts While Driving

- Congressman Ron Paul tore into the conservatives who claim that tax cuts increase revenues. He says, "The heck with more revenue. That's not the problem. We have to cut expenditures."

- Curious Bush quote: "We must defeat the enemies of hatred."

- The man also said, Iran is seeking a 'nucular' weapon."

- Bush grumbles about the bad intelligence given to him before his attack on Iraq.

- McCain said today, "We've won the war. Iraq has a functioning democracy."

- The governor works to increase tourism; the mayor pushes golf. Governors ought to let the tourism industry tend to that subject. (The gov should protect liberty.) The mayor should allow recreation industry professionals to do the golf business. (The mayor should work for the liberties of his constituents.) But don't try to explain it to them. They magnify their job descriptions, indicating an ego problem.

- Israel's population is 7 million, and they receive $4 billion in foreign aid from Uncle Sam. Do the math, you might want to climb onto that gravy train.

- Dems win congressional seats in Louisiana, Mississippi and Illinois. Many Republicans are in shock.

- Don't ever lose you day planner! You might as well go back to bed.

- Former Utah Mike Leavitt (now a HEW cabinet member) was in China when the quake quaked. The man is everywhere, probably the most traveled cat since Eleanor Roosevelt.

Twenty-Years-From-Now News

Mike Leavitt has opened a travel agency in Washington DC favoring lobbyists. Politicians, bureaucrats and celebrities can fly coach. Mr. Leavitt intends to accompany most flights until he gets it out of his system.

INTEGRITY

Gotcha. You never heard of integrity, right? Or maybe you forgot the meaning of the word.

Integrity made it onto page one a few days ago when a young man working at Southern Utah University found and immediately turned in $108,000. The first paragraph of the news report stated something like: "Most people would have kept the dough." See what I mean? Some politicians, a few corporate crooks, subculture celebrities, sports cheats, and drug criminals have led us down the path to cynicism. There are so many examples: unopposed illegal immigration, price-fixing in business, lobbies controlling Congress, Federal Reserve banksters, and an inconsistent justice system.

We're not riding high right now, but the good things shall return, including integrity. When civilization climbs back to a high moral plane, you won't be a hero for returning money which doesn't belong to you - it will be natural and common.

The person who lost the big bucks will get the attention. Really. How do you lose $108,000?

It's all so simple.
____________________________________
Twenty-Years-From-Now News

A young Utah highway patrolman stopped a speeding driver on Interstate 15 south of Provo yesterday. The driver was ticketed and allowed to continue on his way. His name was Osama bin Laden, but the officer and his supervisors didn't recognize the once-famous (infamous) person. Some old timers recall that the "Secret Agent Man" had been a CIA operative credited with chasing the Russian Army occupiers out of Afghanistan prior to organizing the terrible crime known as 9/11. The patrolman told television news that the subject had a white beard, soft brown eyes, a weak voice and was stooped. "I thought he was a grandfather, not a fugitive. But he's both." said the officer.

Meeting & Events

Economist Dr. Ira Longterm will review and sign his latest book: "You Don't Need Cash If You Know The Cashier," at the local Holiday Inn tomorrow at 7 p.m.

OIL

Your president, vice president, secretary of state, secretary of defense, and Senator Orrin Hatch told you that we had to attack Iraq to capture Saddam's evil weapons of mass destruction (WMD).

The United Nations inspectors led by Hans Blix and Scott Ritter scoffed at the claim. After the story was found to be false, we heard other explanations. One was the "confession" by Senator Hatch when he visited the offices of The Spectrum last month. He told the newspaper's editors that we acted to save Israel from Iraq. Please understand that Israel has amply supplies of WMD, and can defend itself.

Let's not forget oil. The NO BLOOD FOR OIL banners, which were seen everywhere before Shock & Awe, represented real concerns. Consider Iraq's new oil law - a provision which the U.S. State Department helped draft in 2006 - and its oily implications. The law allows for 63 of Iraq's 80 major oil fields to be under the control of American, British and Dutch companies. The law provides for a 30 year period in which no taxes or fees of any kind shall be levied on the oil taken by foreign companies.

The subject is rarely mentioned. It's a journalistic untouchable and apparently unprintable in mainstream media circles.

Whenever you have a quiet moment and ponder the reason why we went blasting into a weak nation, you have to dismiss the WMD story. Also, you can doubt Hatch's loose talk about Israel - who sent neither soldiers nor aid of any kind to the coalition cause.

But oil. Hmmm. Before the war, Iraq owned 100% of the oil under its soil. Now, by their own law, they have only about 22%.

Whose oil is it? Well, it's not theirs and it's not ours. It's Exxon's, Chevron's and British Petrol's.

It's all so simple.

DEPLETED URANIUM, ONE MORE COVER-UP

Last May, this blog pointed out the seriousness of DU being used in Iraq. In the elapsed year, you've heard no details from KDXU or The Spectrum - they haven't bothered to inform you.

Whistles ought to be blowing and alarms sounding because the damage has been going on since the first Gulf War. Our military uses depleted uranium in bombs and shells because DU's density allows it to penetrate armor. The problem is that it strickens and sickens both the target and the user. Iraq is a wide depository of DU, with more than a thousand tons of the internationally banned hazard used in the last six years.

IT'S A SCREAMING DISASTER.

Why is there no discourse about eminent scientist Leuren Moret's assertion that, "Depleted uranium is the definitive cause of the Gulf War Syndrome?"

Terry Jamison, Public Affairs Specialist of the Office of Veterans' Affairs, reports the number of Gulf War veterans now on medical disability, since 1991, is 518,739. Out of the 580,000 soldiers who served in the first Gulf War, 11,000 are now dead. By the year 2000, there were 325,000 on permanent disability, 56% of those who served. Those numbers are far beyond the figures from other wars.

Does anyone care? Is depleted uranium in the same compartment of the American mind as sodium fluoride, mercury, cell phone radiation, aluminum, and obesity? Yawn.

It's all so simple.

______________________________________

Meetings & Events

A local pessimists club is now organizing. Call 668-0124. Those interested are urged to join before it's too late.

Personals

Cell phone cowboy is looking for a roaming companion. Call 668-0124

Overheard at Slippery Slope Saloon

"The Myanmar government refuses to let U.N. workers in to help victims of
the cyclone. Pardon me but that reminds me of the Bush administration's refusal to allow thousands of Cuban doctors into Louisiana to aid victims of Katrina. Let's have another round of drinks."

Thoughts While Out To Lunch

Any day now Ann Coulter will traipse back to Iraq and write about how swell things are going. That's the way it is with the cigarette and chardonay gal.

Help Wanted

No help wanted.

PEACEFUL AMERICANS - THAT WAS THEN

Once upon a time, Americans were more peace-loving and peace-making. They had been sickened by World War One and took action to prevent, avoid and stay out of wars. Disarmament became a concept for preserving peace. The U.S. was easily the mightiest force on the seas in the 1920s, President Warren Harding (a Republican) approved of Secretary of State Charles Evans Hughes' plan to join with England, France, Italy and Japan to contain the size of their fleets. In America's case, it meant significant reductions. Many people in Japan and England were astounded that Americans would relinquish such a military advantage.

The agreement was signed in 1922. Each nation was limited in the number of each type of ship and the firepower on the deck. The U.S. had to sink many ships. Much of this was done as target practice in the Pacific Ocean.

It's hard to imagine a nation and its people demonstrating so much sincere desire to reduce the threat of war. We should be proud of those Americans who invented such a plan and kept to its provisions in good faith.

The British and the Japanese were less impressive, however, and were soon increasing firepower as well as conniving ways around the agreements. Japan actually denounced the treaty after a few years.

Maybe again, someday and with more sincerity. Both money and lives would be saved.

It's all so simple.
_________________________________
Overheard at Only The Lonely

"McCain should pick Condi Rice for veep. He'd be playing the race card and gender card in one stroke. He's already got the geezer vote."

"My uncle was middle class, but he was real modest about it."

"It's easy to find a job in southern Utah, however, you need two of them to make ends meet, three to buy a home, and four to consider getting married. Health insurance is not in the picture."

CONSPIRACIES

You probably enjoy friends who have diverse opinions. I have a few who think everything that moves is a conspiracy and others who think conspiracies are only for delusional whackadoos. Still others believe in conspiracies once in a while.

President Franklin Roosevelt claimed that in politics, nothing happens that is not a conspiracy.

Was the international Communist movement a monolithic conspiracy? Was Judas part of a conspiracy? How about the events in New York on 9/11? The assassination of President John Kennedy is often called a conspiracy. The flood of 20 million illegal immigrants seems to have conspiratorial undertones involving both major political parties and business interests.

If there are no conspiracies, then why does the term exist? Somewhere, someone must have conspired to get the word into the dictionary.

It's all so simple.
_______________________________
Meetings & Events

The We-Were-Middle-Class support group meets every Wednesday at 7 p.m., on the grassy knoll in Ancestor Square.

Thoughts While Jaywalking

- Today is the anniversary of Newt Gingrich's announcement that HE WILL NOT run for president. Celebrate and be thankful - our system does work.

- A doctor was arrested in northern Utah for over-prescribing drug medications. No kidding? That's a crime? My aunt took six different meds every day. The only one punished was auntie.

IRAQ AND BACK

We are in a jam. I mean, if we cut and run, they'll follow us home. But if we stay the course, well, that will just bring 'em on. We've planted democracy in the Middle East, terminated the terminator and no longer fear the WMD.

The Sunnis want us to stay; the Shiites want us out of there. (Or is it the other way around?) Then there's the Kurds in northern Iraq who don't know where they want us.

So, Iraq's a mixed bag. What do we do now?

Leave your ideas in the Suggestion Box at the gate to the White House grounds.
________________________________________
HELP WANTED

Walk my pit bull, Snarly, mornings and evenings. He loves children. Pay depends on experience. Must have own plastic bags.

MEETINGS

- The Roundabout Ethics Club will hear Bart Anderson speak on: "How to Know When It's Your Turn." Tonight in the roundabout at Tabernacle and Main - 7 p.m. No British drivers please.

- Wal-Mart shoppers support group meets every Sunday afternoon by the cart rack in the parking lot. Bring your stories.

THOUGHTS WHILE SHAVING

For years Paul Harvey has promised to tell the whole truth about the news business - the rest of the story - when he retired.

TWENTY-YEARS FROM NOW NEWS

- Paul Harvey finally retired yesterday. An old listener asked Paul what it was that he said he would tell his audience. He said he couldn't remember.

- Half of the world's weather scientists warn of continued global warming. The other half express concern over the temperatures dropping all over the world. The United Nations plans to vote to decide which group is credible.

WAR IS SELL

Propaganda rules. Syria and Iran are next, so get your stickers, ribbons and flags ready. They'll be needed for a long time this time. Think of all the Arabs and Muslims yearning to breathe free. We might have to knock off most of them. Freedom isn't free, and it's most expensive when an outsider delivers it to you.

Henry David Thoreau was jailed for refusing to pay a tax to support the War with Mexico. Ralph Waldo Emerson visited Thoreau and asked, "Henry, what are you doing in?" Thoreau answered, "Ralph, what are you doing out?"

We need more Henrys; we have too many Ralphs.

It's all so simple.
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THOUGHTS WHILE JAYWALKING

- As a result of Shock & Awe, half of the people still alive in Iraq (women) will lose most of the civil rights that they enjoyed under Saddam, the madman, who encouraged female careers.

- The FBI has abandoned a search for stragglers of the middle class. They are feared forever lost after not being noticed as they vanished over the decades.

- At a local wedding reception, the first tune played by the dance band was, "I Will Survive."

- We should never forget that in 1952 four major oil companies were fined by the Justice Department for overcharging the federal government on oil shipped to Europe under the Marshall Plan.

DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HISTORY

Be careful of what you "learn" from history books because much of it is false or twisted. Henry Ford said, "All history is bunk." Overstated, but true.

For instance, the history of wars is always written by the winners. You aren't told about the virtues and cases of Kaiser Wilhelm, Tojo, Hitler, Saddam, Mussolini, Noriega, and other legendary monsters.

A good citizen needs true and solid information to be well-informed. You have to check out several sources to get the straight scoop.

Or you can just call me.

It's all so simple.
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OVERHEARD at Slippery Slope Saloon:

"Bartender. I want an 'America on the rocks'."

"Too bad Putin can't be our president. He's an ex-KGB boss who knows all of our secrets and he knows Russia's, too. Plus, he thinks before he speaks. We need this guy."

"I've had some problems being recently divorced. For one thing, I have to finish my own sentences."

"We were intellectual opposites. She was intellectual, I was the opposite."

OVERHEARD at Only The Lonely Bar & Grill:

"Look at this. A pool table right by the door. This joint needs to hire a Feng Shui consultant."

"The divorce rate is down because so many unmarried couples are living together."

"I know for a fact: Rush really does have half of his brain tied behind his back."

"The CIA hired the Mafia in Cuba to kill Fidel Castro. That's how outsourcing got started."

"My brother-in-law is a Divine Delegate. That's above a Super Delegate."

JUST BE GLAD YOU'RE YOU

You could be a Cuban plotting to flee the island paradise tonight. You plan to row your small boat into open water and then full throttle the outboard motor, heading for Mexico. You choose Mexico because to go to Florida means almost certain capture and return to Cuba by the U.S. Coast Guard.

As you putt putt to Mexico with the bullets from the guns of Cuban police speed boats whizzing by you, you'll think: "I'll hitch rides going north in Mexico and follow Jose into Arizona."

But as you step out of your boat on the Mexican shore, you'll again hear the whizzing of bullets, this time from the guns of Mexican border guards. If the Cubans didn't shoot you in the back, the Mexicans might drill lead into your chest.

Why not stay at home in Havana? You have free health care, free university education, no one starves, nobody is homeless, and you might get elected to the prestigious "neighborhood watch" committee.

Better red than dead.

It's all so simple.

WHICH IS THE WAR PARTY NOW?

Throughout most of the 20th Century, Republicans labeled Democrats "The War Party." Senator Robert Taft referred to our war in Korea as "Truman's War" and Senator Barry Goldwater called our war in Viet Nam, "Johnson's War. Neither president had asked Congress for a declaration of war.

The Goldwater campaign for the White House in 1964 printed photos of wounded American soldiers lying wounded on the battlefield. The message was that our wars were the result of international interventions or meddling in other nations' business. Vote Republican and get peace.

If Korea and Viet Nam were Democrat wars, then how about the two world wars? Democrat Woodrow Wilson meddled, for sure. He won reelection in 1916 by boasting that "He kept us out of war." A year later, Wilson chose to go to war and whipped the nation into a fervor about it. Senators who opposed the war were censured by the U.S. Senate. These included the great Wisconsin Senator Robert La Follette. Many peace loving Americans went to prison for resisting the war.

The situation leading into the Second World War was not much different. Democrat Franklin Roosevelt violated our neutrality laws, blockaded Japanese shipping, sent American volunteers (highly paid) to fly warplanes in defense of China, and ordered U.S. Navy destroyers to attack German submarines in the North Atlantic. We had taken sides and were militarily involved months before the sneak attack on Pearl Harbor.

Since the Democrats led us into four big wars, we have had undeclared wars on Grenada, Panama and Iraq, twice. Let's not forget Afghanistan. Those were Republican wars. And maybe we should include Republican President Nixon's little wars on Cambodia and Laos.

Republican administrations blockaded a nation's food and medical supplies for years, sent CIA agents to stir rebellions and make maps of bombing targets in sovereign countries, and brandish two aircrafts carriers in the Persian Gulf to threaten Iran.

Modern Republicans are at least as warlike as the old Democrats.

As in 1918, you'll support our wars or be called unpatriotic and anti-American. You might even have your phone tapped and your mail opened.

It's all so simple.