HEY, BIG SPENDER

He's coming.

That's right. Your president for the past two wars and two trillion dollars is headed for Utah, the reddest state of them all. Republican states are referred to as "red." Democrat states are called blue. That's hard to get used to because old Democrats were called pinkos, sometimes reds. But Republicans earned the new color code based on their propensity for spending money before it exists.

Anyhow, our red-ink president soon will be among us war hawks and spendthrifts to raise campaign funds for the Republican Party. Let's all do the right thing: Render unto Bush that which is Bush's.

It's all so simple.

Thoughts While on Hold on the Telephone

- I've been taking small arms fire today for calling politicians "proud, arrogant, power-mad." I apologize. I forgot "lazy and vain."

- The oil corporation CEOs told Congress about the "current up cycle" in oil. Now you know where the term "oil slick" came from.

- Cuba is allowing citizens (inmates?) to own cell phones for the first time. New President Raul seems so accomodating to the people. Fidel must have "left the building."

Overheard at Slippery Slope Saloon

- "I'm still waiting for someone to tell me why I should pay a buck for a gallon of bottled water when it has nothing in it. Tap water is almost free and it has sodium fluoride, chlorine, mercury, benzene, and a smidgen of spent jet fuel."

- "Global warming is history. It was too hot not to cool down."

- "The guy at the end of the bar told me that when Planet Earth warmed up, it caused the lakes and oceans to evaporate, which then formed clouds and increased rainfall. This made the plants grow like crazy, therefore, reducing the carbon factor big time, and so global warming shifted into reverse. He seems like a smart guy. He's drinking scotch."

Meetings & Events

Good Old Boys Reunion, Saturday at 8 p.m., upstairs at Frenchy's, use side door, utter password or hand ID. A guest speaker will present strategies on "Retaining Control Despite Influx."