GLOBAL HOT AIR

If (they) don't turn up the heat soon, the whole concept of man-caused global warming will collapse. Meanwhile, in the month of May, we see snow and low temperatures in Washington, Minnesota, South Dakota, New York, Maine, and Vermont.

Dude, your carbon footprints are making tracks in the snow.

Something is seriously flawed with the theory.

Come to think of it, we remember what a flim-flam Y2K was. Maybe Global Warming and Y2K came from the same think tank.

It's all so simple.

Meetings & Events

- The Snowbirds stranded here by the high gas prices will gather at the Wal-Mart parking lot today at 4 p.m. to launch a public plea for funds. Also, government help might be on the way to get you on your way.

- The city council's plan to install No Loitering signs on the roundabouts has been abandoned and will be an issue on the ballot in the November elections.

For Sale

Exercise equipment and vegetable juicer. Both used only once. A package deal for $200 or a few gallons of gas or milk.

Thoughts While Waiting in Line at the Convenience Store

- Q. What will we do if China attacks Taiwan? Or Pakistan invades India? Or Israel rolls into Lebanon?

- A. Nothing. nothing, nothing.

- Q. What if Iran builds a nuke?

- A. Missile attacks, air raids, naval shellings, commando action, Marine beach landings, paratroops, CIA predator assassinations, and Exxon-Chevron drilling.

Overheard at Slippery Slope Saloon

"If they follow us home, just where do they think they're going to stay?"

"I know, I know. Bryan Hyde is the best radio man west of the mountains - the Appalachian mountains. Problem is, he's on during Happy Hour."